Elisabeth (dragonydreams) wrote,
Elisabeth
dragonydreams

  • Mood:

Giggles

Spam from my dad.



Ordering Pizza in 2020

This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in
2008 that we're not sure how funny this really is...

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your
national ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr Sheehan. I see you live at 1742
Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office
number over at LincolnInsurance is 745-2302 and your cell
number is 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@home.net. Which
number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this
information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.
This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors
indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely
high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't
allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure
you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from
your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the
suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones,
then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your
four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is
$49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in
cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before
your driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash
ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir.
If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're
out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle
can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments,
so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just
filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've
already got a July
4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see
here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a
judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day
stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first
pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause
prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New
Constitution prohibits this.. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.


***



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